Relapsed after a year of staying clean.

[struggling_mike]

I relapsed last night, I was doing really well and I had quit smoking, drinking and cocaine for more than a year. Last night I felt like drinking wine, then I smoked marijuana and finally called the peddler and bought a gram.

I feel disappointed in me and feel like complete crap right now. I feel like screaming on top of my voice, need some one to speak to about this. I want to get back to my good happy life. I feel my clock is reset, also I did this behind my wife's back.

So many jumbled up emotions, feeling very low. Any one out there? Please give me a perspective. SOS.

[mem]

hiya,
do you attend narcotics anonymous?its the place ive found the most recovering addicts.This addiction thing is a long journey.I don't want to dishearten you but many relapses happen for most drug addicts ,its still on the path of eventual recovery though.staying clean for a year,thats great.its only one day..you had a drink..dont look as this is different.complete abstinence from all drugs is the best route.
take care and god bless.
an addict.

[Recover_drug_addict]

Hi Mike - My name's Anthony, I am a recovered cocaine/crack drug addict and alcoholic, one who has not used drugs/drank for nearly eight years now - before that I would use pretty much every day unless I was locked up.

I relate to what you're going through because I suffer from the same illness. The thought of having a glass at wine with dinner is all very normal - that's what other people do, so why can't I? - but in my case that one glass of wine/beer/whatever would always end up with me calling my dealer. Bizarrely, despite years of evidence to the contrary, I would always think that someone this time would be different but it never was - and then back to the usual merry go round of self-loathing, anger, hopelessness, despair etc. etc.

For some perspective on your situation; I understand how low/depressed/crappy you'll be feeling and that's compounded by the feelings of guilt/shame that you possibly feel for using behind your wife's back. That said: no-one died! If you want a way out then I'm a member of a 12 step fellowship that may be able to help - it helped me and continues to do so.