Need advice on my sex addict husband.

[Nicky43]

Ive never posted on a forum like this before, but I need advice on my husband who has been diagnosed with a sex addicton, from people who are either going through it themselves, or who are sex addicts. Since finding out about all his infidelities during our 23 year relationship, I have been feeling depressed, anxious, angry and very insecure. It feels as though my whole marriage has been a lie, and that I have wasted my time on someone who was only with me to make himself look good. My husband has recieved counselling for his addiction and he has admitted that his behaviour isnt "normal", and goes looking for sex in order to boost his self esteem. I havent recieved any counselling, mainly because I cant afford the cost, but I need to talk to someone who understands and give me non judgemental advice, something a friend wont do. Basically im struggling with the concept that my husband has never really truely loved me or never felt emotionally close to me, how could he when he was seeking this from other women. From what I understand of sex addiction, sex addicts turn to sex when they feel emotionally distressed because they feel unable to cope with thier feelings like a healthy person, and so therefore finds it difficult to form close emotional bonds with others. This to me gives the impresion that my husband was uncapable of truely loving me, which makes me question as to if he ever has during the 23 years we have been together. My husband has said to me that we should start again from fresh, like we have only just meet and date again etc, and forget about what has happened. This suggets to me that although he is willing to try again to save our marriage, and maybe he does love me now, and his behaviour towards me has changed for the better and he appears to be more loving, but I dont want to stay with a man who didnt love me before. Can a sex addict in the midst of their addiction truely love their partner ? .I feel so angry and betrayed right now, my husband wont reveal to me the full extent if his addiction and his counselling has finished. I am scared of letting him back in, in fear of him letting me down again. How can I get over this as a partner of a sex addict?Do sex addicts really love their patners ?

[Hope(less)]

That sounds really tough. What we have found (we are a couple, one of us has this addiction and has been sober from it for several years) is that this needs to be treated seriously, as it just gets worse otherwise.

For wives, partners, friends, family and relatives of sex addicts there is a group called S-Anon (UK website : https://s-anonuk.org) that is a place where you can get support for your dealing with being around your addict husband. Don't suffer alone.

For your husband, if he's willing he could take a look at one of the 12 step groups such as Sexaholics Anonymous (http://www.sauk.org) or SAA or SLAA (but be wary as for a sex addict who has gone quite fare down the line, those other two fellowships may not work as well since the addict can define their own sobriety there....which can be unhelpful!).

I really hope you (and him) find the help, recovery and serenity you both need.

[Pickled]

Hi, I have been a sex addict since ever, and I have been in a relationship with a girl for 7 years, we broke up two months ago. How you describe your feelings is pretty much the same as my ex partner is feeling. She started seeing a therapist as well and boy, she has issues too, but they were always occluded by my sex addiction and it was always about my problems. So, her issues went under the radar and subconsciously, she didn't want them to come up. I am writing to you to recommend you to take care of yourself, which means facing your own issues. Stop revolving your life around him, he will suck your energy out forever, he cant help it, if he loves you or not is not as relevant as your own well-being. You need a therapy as well as him. You need to heal and learn to love yourself, because he will never give you what you need.